Here I go…thinking again! Been working extremely hard at looking within before blaming anyone or anything for what’s happening in my life. This morning I looked in the mirror and felt the slightest bit of okay with what I saw…well…okay…maybe not quite…but what I didn’t do is label what I saw…I just saw…me…?
That led to my over-thinking brain wondering why I didn’t immediately judge the woman looking back at me!? What was changing? Because I’ve reached out for help many times…and always failed to follow through. So what then? Am I actually learning to heal myself? Wouldn’t that be something?! 🙂
Words…we let them define us…the ones we speak to ourselves…the ones we seek…the ones we hear from those we love and the world around us. Words that I used to value SO SO much, well they seem to be losing their power over me! I’d like to say I’m done with that nonsense but it’s a process…and I’m a slow learner! Just ask my mom & dad…they’ll tell ya! HA
Here are some words that held great power over me…and the words I’m replacing them with:
Then: You look so thin/skinny/pretty! (This one was like magic elixir to my ears! Especially hearing them from men. It made me feel more confident, loved and recognized. Desired and sexy.)
Now: You always look so happy! (YES! Isn’t that what I’m working on? I don’t need to be skinny to be loved or confident right? And recognized? Who needs that from an outside source once you figure out who you are…when you recognize yourself…and yourself is pretty amazing most days! Sure there are days I slip into that old longing for admiration from someone but confidence comes from within. It’s a feeling about yourself…not what you need from someone else.)
Then: I get so jealous when I see you talking to other men! (Yes! You must love me more than anything and value you me as a person! You must worry that you’ll lose me!) Double up on the pathetic on this one…I haven’t always been wise 😉
Now: I trust you! Hall-the-freaking-lujah!! Because if you are a trustworthy person that knows your self worth and the value of being honest and true…jealousy feels like crap! It feels like you can see yourself but the other person is blind to your devotion…and guess what…that’s not YOUR problem! It’s theirs! Know your value…be trustworthy…that is staying true to you.
Then: You always take care of everything! What would I do without you? (Ugh…no words)
Now: I respect you! You are so strong! (Yup…all along…all those years of taking care of and tending to…of getting up and showing up…One strong a** goddess right here! And that strength earns respect! All those years of self sacrifice were bringing you today! WOOP WOOP! You are a warrior princess that wears her crown over her heart!)
Then: You always know how to make me happy! (Of course I do…I would sacrifice everything so that you are happy. It is my strongest attribute! It is what I do…what I was born to do! I am nothing unless you are happy! I cannot be happy unless you first are happy!)
Now: Happy looks fantastic on you! (Yeah that’s right baby! It’s time to start remembering that if you can’t begin within…if you are not happy…then you’ve got some work to do! And don’t think for one minute that it’s someone else’s job to provide this elusive happiness you seek. Nope! No sir! Not gonna happen! You and you alone must figure out what in this world gives you joy, peace and utter contentment…another words…happiness! You deserve the time it takes to figure that out…and then to go out and freaking make it happen! Whatever it is…own it! Rejoice in it…just take a deep breath and bask in it’s light & beauty…oh man that feels pretty stinkin’ great…am I right? Just say yes!)
Gosh I could go on…I really could…I look back and think about all of the insignificant words or things that used to be so important to my survival and self esteem…wow…wasteful right? But don’t look back with regret…regret would mean I didn’t learn…I didn’t grow…I didn’t need each and every moment and word at the time they happened or were uttered. And that’s not true…everything happens as it should…when it should! That’s why 50 is the new 30! (at least in my world!) I’m fast approaching the big 5-0…time to step up the self love and explore new opportunities! Time to take it back! Time to work on self!
There are three precious words that hold space…and they need to be spread far and wide…our world needs love…love for all mankind…today my final words to you…
I love you