Dear Woman…I Know Some Things Now…

I am not sure where you are on your journey or why you’ve become a part of mine. What I do know is every human has a story to tell…a past filled with beauty, pain, hopes, suffering and feelings only they can feel. What I do know is you are you. Your past everything along with your heart and soul created the today you. What I do know is our past won’t stay buried forever. In fact as you begin to get quiet with yourself and shut out the noise of all those who are attempting to control your thoughts and emotions (they too are humans learning) you will start to see snapshots of your lifetime that lead you to your here and now.

When you look at the moments from a place of hope and forgiveness…perhaps you will see as I am that while you cannot blame your choices on your past…you clearly see a pattern…reasons. You cannot take a single choice back. You can take ownership of it and ownership of where you’ll travel now. You need to make peace with it all. Don’t hold on to any of it! I’m being real here! Let it fucking go! This is where the road gets rough. They aren’t paved. There are ruts and drop offs. The dust you stir up will make your eyes gritty and the road you ache to travel difficult to see…drive blind if you have to!!! Pull over and take a breath…but don’t stop. Please…please don’t stop…

Frufru words and one liner quotes won’t make you feel stronger? What!? Whoever told you that is a liar. Gentle words and quotes that speak to you on a deeper level…they will have power to help you heal. Don’t stop believing in your power. As I’ve begun to open myself up to new experiences and relationships…because I thought I was ready…because I thought I was on a higher vibration…I swiftly felt the proverbial slap in the face to my reality! There’s no such thing as faking it until you make it with this stuff! Make it!!! Look at yourself and start to know what you deserve, feels right, makes you smile and laugh, makes you dream and hope, makes you feel YOU! Know that you have a purpose. When your own bullshit takes a backseat to your open heart…you will attract the good stuff. The real and meaningful stuff. Humans will come into your life that are so so amazing and see how incredibly beautiful you are! All of you and your broken pieces will be like a glorious light in their life!

It is time to allow yourself to be completely comfortable in you. It is time to shine your light so brightly that the darkest humans cannot touch your fragile soul and take away the pieces of you that matter most. They are longing and seeking and in pain…YOU cannot heal them all…not at the expense of you…I am sorry if this makes you feel anything other than strong. This is your strength. You mustn’t feel guilty or selfish. If someone is taking away your power to stroke theirs…and cannot see the damage they are causing…and you allow it…your light will quickly be extinguished…and you will again be living your life for someone else’s happiness…hug the hurt…then run! You have to love yourself enough to know when your about to get sucked into a place you may not survive…this is hard! These people will slay you with their words…people in pain…they can be cruel as fuck. And they will forget every single good thing you brought to their lives…because they see you walking away and losing light hurts. Do NOT stop walking! Again…you cannot heal anyone if helping them harms you. Go now and get stronger. Remember them…close the door…lock it…don’t throw away the key…just hang it up and know that until you are ready that door needs to stay locked! You may never open it again…but you may…because your healing is happening and when your there perhaps you’ll be able to again shine a light…

So gather up your jewels and put them back where they belong.

Forever with you on your travels,


Letting Go Of The Heavy

My story is filled with broken pieces, some pretty terrible choices and a whole lot of ugly truths. Many of the chapters are either still unwritten or don’t have a tittle. It’s okay though…I’m actually making a comeback! I am starting to learn to live as if my life matters as much as the lives of those I love…I’m starting to take action instead of wishing and waiting…I am beginning to forgive the past, not stress about the future…to live in THIS moment…in THIS day…the beautiful glorious days right here in the right now! Higher frequency!!

I am grateful…oh so very grateful…for my family, friends, animals, a home, my job, my therapist…for so very much…I thank the universe for showing me love.

So while some of my most beautiful chapters have yet to be written… today…this moment…this is where I belong. I hope that your journey is leading you home. We’re all holding hands and traveling together…and yet we all have to mind our own peace and happiness in order to spread that love.

Sending you love and courage and a freaking truckload of happy!!


Reinventing Beautiful

So let’s talk about dieting! Errr…no wait! Screw that! Let’s talk about life!! Real life and how you can start living that and stop always being on a diet! I’m guilty! Tried em all! Well most. Gained and lost so many times! Learned a lot about healthy eating. Not a damn thing about healthy living.

Until recently. It’s actually been a life long journey getting to today. Someday we can dig deeper but right now I just wanted to share a little tiny piece of my new found wisdom because…well just because I think it’s important! Too important not to speak it now and fill in the blanks as we travel together!

So here’s what’s happening…I am starting to fall in love…with myself!! I am healing and I am growing. I am discovering that loving yourself more isn’t selfish! In fact you cannot possibly love another human in the most healthiest of ways if you can’t at first embrace YOU! My God it’s so brilliant!!! I’m not completely there…the journey is incredibly long and the roads aren’t all paved but as I’ve started to care for myself…as I begin to direct that enormous love I’ve always put out to whoever was in my path that needed it the most…back to self…I’m starting to see the most powerful impact it’s having on me. Not just mentally either! Physically I feel more whole and strong…and lighter! What? I’m not on a single stinking diet! I just get up every morning with the intention to live each moment with grace and love for the world and for myself! Today I stepped on the scale and realized I’ve lost 19 pounds! Without dieting! Crazy right? Or is it?

Imagine yourself waking up living and feeling in each moment. It’s a different way of being in your own life! Do I have hard days, sadness and fear? Of course I do! But I don’t stay stuck in it! I am free to make choices that are good for me! And we’re not just talking food here! The picture is bigger!

What do you think? Worth trying? At the very least you’ll begin to see how truly extraordinary you are! And that my friends is Your higher powers gift to you! I have stopped trying to fit in and started learning to belong. Get your self love ‚̧ԳŹ


As I get older the number of times I utter the words ‚ÄúWTF‚ÄĚ (unabbreviated of course) has increased by an incredibly large percentage! Humans…sometimes you win…sometimes you run!!

New Beginnings…

Inspired by a conversation I had with some of my co-workers (whom I adore) I’m here again…it’s been a very long time!¬† I was going to delete all of my old posts and start fresh but…well…that’s crazy right?¬† Because those posts led me to today…so today can be a new beginning without erasing the past.¬† Seems about right to me!

For now it’s late…and I’m so very tired after a long day spent with family celebrating Mia’s 6th birthday…it was wonderful…just like family time always is.¬† So if you are stopping by thank you…I’m sorry I haven’t come up with something witty or inspirational for my very first post of 2018…but I promise when I return you’ll want to keep coming back…the journey is priceless!


If I Could Tell You One Thing…


We call our selves¬†special needs parents…we are…well…parents just like you…However there are differences between who we are and those who might not fully understand our life experiences. ¬†We all need to learn to live with grace.

I could make a list of the differences but I hesitate…because I don’t want to point out all of the things that make us different…not at all…what I really want to do is share this one simple truth with you and hope that you will look at the world with a new kind of knowing in your heart.

My one simple truth…until you close your eyes and open your heart you will never see the beauty that’s experienced when you are in the presence of a special needs child…or an adult for that matter. ¬†Never. ¬†Period. ¬†If you only see the moment rather than the human standing before you then you will miss out on a magic that can only be felt by a heart that embraces all. ¬†Surely you know that as a parent of a special needs child we get that the lack of a filter can make things uncomfortable for you…hell…you think it’s easy on our end? ¬†Not so much! ¬†But let’s not forget that unfiltered can have an incredible impact on the world sometimes…like the times that love, joy, and happiness comes pouring forth into the world without any holding back…a smile, a laugh, a hug…they come naturally…my words can’t fully explain it…you have to feel it for yourself.

Next time you look upon a moment with pity or embarrassment try something that’ll change your life…close your eyes…take a deep breath…and see…it’s a moment…we all have them…open your heart to experience so much more…you’ll never look back and wish you hadn’t…I promise ‚̧

Self Censoring

I am trying to figure out how you get from spending your entire life…and yes I mean entire…or at least as far back as you can remember…self censoring at your own expense…how do you get from there…to self editing…to saying out loud your hearts thoughts…to be right and true and from your soul authentic…to stop yourself from stopping…from silencing your own voice…because sure there are those who will grab hold of your silence to feed their own needing souls…yet ultimately…the choice is your own…bravely exploring how to do this without exploding a million words into the universe that have been locked up inside for far too long…because you can’t just pour it all out…that seems so unfair…to those around you that you’ve allowed to control your voice…after-all…you did allow it…becoming.jpg

It’s already 2017?

So…wait…what? ¬†It’s already 2017? ¬†What in the world happened to 2016? ¬†I was just there a few short moments ago! ¬†I had plans! ¬†Dreams! ¬†Goals set to achieve in 2016! ¬†I’m not finished with you yet! ¬†Well…I guess that I am…because there’s no going back right? ¬†Now…time to focus on 2017.

You all know I’m done with resolutions. ¬†In fact I’ve never really believed in making them…but I’ve ALWAYS followed the crowd so I’d do it…I’d get excited and vocal and gather my peeps to join the resolution movement…and then I’d get bored, discouraged or flat out lazy with my life and I’d fail…again…annually…Yay for the New Year right?! ¬†Let’s toast to setting ourselves up to fail yet again!

Oooh…I sound so cynical…yulk! ¬†That’s not my intent. ¬†Actually I’m getting closer every year to the real me…and that in itself is a huge goal for me. ¬†I have literally lived my life through the eyes of others until a few years ago when I started to realize I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to be “when I grew up…” ¬†Hell I still don’t know what that perfect fit is…but I am starting to see that unless I stop being afraid of becoming…I will always only be attempting to become.

So…here we are…hello 2017! ¬†Yup…you’re right…it’s already day 5! ¬†But guess what…I haven’t been procrastinating about setting goals and intentions…I’ve actually been recovering from preparing for Christmas 2016! HA! ¬†I took some steps in the direction of my dreams in 2016 and that filled up much of my summer and well into the rest of the year. ¬†Now I have this little piece of paper that opens new doors for me. ¬†Time to sit down and write down some goals-and a plan to reach them.

What do you think? ¬†Would you like to join me? ¬†I have a pretty little journal that my son gave me for Christmas. ¬†I’m going to use it for goals, plans and ideas! ¬†Won’t be perfect. ¬†Won’t get done today. ¬†Won’t be filled with other peoples ideas for my life either! ¬†Today is day 5 of 2017…time to begin anew…time to set at least one goal and be okay with that…because that’s a start.

I hope that your 2017 is blessed beyond measure. ¬†I hope 2017 finds you grateful for the gifts in your life…may we all recognize them and rejoice in them. ¬†With that I’m sharing goal number one…wait! ¬†I have two that I can rattle off without second thought because they are filled with intention…

  1.  Set goals and write them down-keep them with me everyday-remember how valuable they are to becoming.
  2. Read the bible-it is time to stop wondering and waiting for God to come to you-it is time to go to God with an open heart-to be grateful for each day he’s blessed me with…and to stop wasting it…it’s time to live the life He’s planned for me.fullsizerender

Words Hold Power

womenHere I go…thinking again! ¬†Been working extremely hard at looking within before blaming anyone or anything for what’s happening in my life. ¬†This morning I looked in the mirror and felt the slightest bit of okay with what I saw…well…okay…maybe not quite…but what I didn’t do is label what I saw…I just saw…me…?

That led to my over-thinking brain wondering why I didn’t immediately judge the woman looking back at me!? ¬†What was changing? ¬†Because I’ve reached out for help many times…and always failed to follow through. ¬†So what then? ¬†Am I actually learning to heal myself? ¬†Wouldn’t that be something?! ūüôā

Words…we let them define us…the ones we speak to ourselves…the ones we seek…the ones we hear from those we love and the world around us. ¬†Words that I used to value SO SO much, well they seem to be losing their power over me! ¬†I’d like to say I’m done with that nonsense but it’s a process…and I’m a slow learner! Just ask my mom & dad…they’ll tell ya! ¬†HA

Here are some words that held great power over me…and the words I’m replacing them with:

Then:  You look so thin/skinny/pretty!  (This one was like magic elixir to my ears!  Especially hearing them from men.  It made me feel more confident, loved and recognized.  Desired and sexy.)

Now: ¬†You always look so¬†happy! ¬†(YES! ¬†Isn’t that what I’m working on? ¬†I don’t need to be skinny to be loved or confident right? ¬†And recognized? ¬†Who needs that from an outside source once you figure out who you are…when you recognize yourself…and yourself is pretty amazing most days! ¬†Sure there are days I slip into that old longing for admiration from someone but confidence¬†comes from within. ¬†It’s a feeling about yourself…not what you need from someone else.)

Then: ¬†I get so jealous when I see you talking to other men! ¬†(Yes! ¬†You must love me more than anything and value you me as a person! ¬†You must worry that you’ll lose me!) ¬†Double up on the pathetic on this one…I haven’t always been wise ūüėČ

Now: ¬†I trust you! ¬†Hall-the-freaking-lujah!! ¬†Because if you are a trustworthy person that knows your¬†self worth and the value of being honest and true…jealousy feels like crap! ¬†It feels like you can see yourself but the other person is blind to your devotion…and guess what…that’s not YOUR problem! ¬†It’s theirs! ¬†Know your value…be trustworthy…that is staying true to you.

Then: ¬†You always take care of everything! What would I do without you? ¬†(Ugh…no words)

Now: ¬†I respect you! ¬†You are so strong! ¬†(Yup…all along…all those years of taking care of and tending to…of getting up and showing up…One strong a** goddess¬†right here! ¬†And that strength earns respect! ¬†All those years of self sacrifice were bringing you today! ¬†WOOP WOOP! ¬†You are a warrior princess that wears her crown over her heart!)

Then: ¬†You always know how to make me happy! ¬†(Of course I do…I would sacrifice everything so that you are happy. ¬†It is my strongest attribute! ¬†It is what I do…what I was born to do! ¬†I am nothing unless you are happy! ¬†I cannot be happy unless you first are happy!)

Now: ¬†Happy looks fantastic¬†on you! ¬†(Yeah that’s right baby! ¬†It’s time to start remembering that if you¬†can’t begin within…if you¬†are not happy…then you’ve¬†got some work to do! ¬†And don’t think for one minute that it’s someone else’s job to provide this elusive happiness you¬†seek. ¬†Nope! ¬†No sir! ¬†Not gonna happen! ¬†You and you alone must figure out what in this world gives you joy, peace and utter contentment…another words…happiness! ¬†You deserve the time it takes to figure that out…and then to go out and freaking make it happen! ¬†Whatever it is…own it! ¬†Rejoice in it…just take a deep breath and bask in it’s light & beauty…oh man that feels pretty stinkin’ great…am I right? ¬†Just say yes!)

Gosh I could go on…I really could…I look back and think about all of the insignificant words or things that used to be so important to my survival and self esteem…wow…wasteful right? ¬†But don’t look back with regret…regret would mean I didn’t learn…I didn’t grow…I didn’t need each and every moment and word at the time they happened or were uttered. ¬†And that’s not true…everything happens as it should…when it should! ¬†That’s why 50 is the new 30! (at least in my world!) ¬†I’m fast approaching the big 5-0…time to step up the self love and explore new opportunities! ¬†Time to take it back! ¬†Time to work on self!

There are three precious words that hold space…and they need to be spread far and wide…our world needs love…love for¬†all mankind…today my final words to you…

I love you