There’s this thing that I do…I start over. I used to beat myself up about all of this starting over. Shame myself. Diets, exercise, relationships…
I give up dieting because, well, food! Am I right? I’m making light, because really it’s about feelings & emotional turmoil when diets “don’t work” for me. Exercise routines, stick with it attitude, gyms…gad! My abs get all poofy, my legs hurt ALL the time, I gain before I lose…I bail! Relationships, yes, let’s dig deeper into that another time. For now, I will own this regarding relationships…I have never allowed myself to engage in a healthy, respectful, and loving relationship. And this invites unhealthy people into your life.
All of the above, it’s all chapters in my life story…NOT my LIFE. This morning as I’m beginning day three of my commitment to love and support my body (my home while here on Earth) aka a healthy lifestyle, I felt a pull, to recognize that starting over isn’t a bad thing. Starting over is fucking courageous! It means you haven’t given up! It means you are learning from each chapter, about what’s important, about what matters most to you and your story.
So as I’m moaning through 60 sit ups, sweating like only a 52 year old grandma’s gonna do, I strip down to nothing but bra and panties, roll my granny ass in front of the mirror, and recognize…me! I will never be a model, nor do I have the desire. There will ALWAYS be more beautiful, more fit, more whatever…IF you are all into comparison. I am no longer down for comparing. Comparison has left my story. Ya’all want to go ahead and feel that for a minute, because THAT, that decision is magical! It is you, unlocking your own damn life and setting your own damn self free!
Yes, I will find myself in self sabotaging moments. I will no longer shame myself for these moments, I will brush the shame society, our ancestors, our traumas have instilled into our minds…and I will pick up where I left off. Because what matters most is continuing the self-love journey. The self-acceptance journey. This is the story where you love yourself so much that that very love radiates out into the Universe, felt by many, felt by every, love…that’s felt is beautiful.
I hope you are along for this journey. I pray you find peace with yourself, right now, in the today’s, in the chaos, love yourself through the storms, and recognize the rainbows as they appear.