Who The Hell Am I?

At 48 years old I feel like I should know what I want for the rest of my life. I should know my favorite music…color…movie…I should have a plan! I should be able to dream a dream of my future self that resonates with who I am…But 48 years of being and doing what best suits the people you surround yourself with…well…who does that make you? People have called me selfish a few times in my life when I broke free from this cycle…I truly wanted to wash their mouths out with soap for forgetting the years of giving I gave them…but of course I didn’t…instead I allowed them to brow beat and belittle me and the person I am trying to become…but through it all…all I’ve ever wanted was to live…to have a dream to follow…to know myself and believe in my own self worth enough to figure out what my purpose is and dream a dream that’s mine…
I can honestly say I don’t have a clue! I know that I am good and kind and give love with an open heart. But who am I? What do I stand for? I want to have a dream to work towards…but I’ve no idea what I want! I know I want to be my own boss someday…but of what? It’s crazy to realize you have passion that know’s no limits…and yet have no idea what to pour it in to…feeling a little like a package of energy and light all wrapped up tight…ready to burst out and LIVE…but unable to because I can’t settle on a destination for my life… ❤

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